Bunny Business.

The Bunny Chronicles

2012-01-01T14:34:00.003-07:00

It has been said time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind, protecting its sanity, covers then with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but its never gone.
-Rose Kennedy

The Bunny Chronicles

2011-12-06T17:11:00.002-07:00

Now I lay me down to pass out wasted, again. Guess that makes this the seventh time this week.

Good Fucking Bye

2011-11-25T11:35:00.002-07:00

Dear work, see you never. Last day party time neck punch. Fuck yes.

The Bunny Chronicles

2011-11-22T10:59:00.001-07:00

Its Always Sunny

2011-11-22T10:54:00.002-07:00

I QUIT

2011-11-21T16:18:00.000-07:00

See you never fuckholes... well, after Friday, see you never... Bahaha.

Real Women Drink Whiskey

2011-11-21T14:56:00.003-07:00

Last summer, I met one of my guy friends at a bar in midtown Manhattan. He ordered a Bud Light; I ordered a Jameson on the rocks. "Damn," he said, looking at me as if I'd just set myself on fire. "You're more of a man than I am."

And thus he summed up our society's prevailing attitude toward whiskey: It is a man's drink.

So I shouldn't have been surprised a few weeks ago when I saw the new Jameson print ad campaign lining the walls of my subway car. It features a series of old-fashioned illustrations of men doing manly things like dueling in the street and arm wrestling in a tavern. Few women are present, the most prominent of which seems to be the local prostitute. The message is clear -- real men drink Jameson.

Jameson is not alone in its testosterone-fueled ads. Bushmill's current "Since Way Back" campaign showcases hip men (including ultra-hip musician Bon Iver) hanging out with their equally hip friends. Bushmill's, it seems, is just one of the bros.

And speaking of bros, if you're a fan of Scotch, you can join The Chivas Brotherhood, which brings together "Men who seek and conquer the finer things in life" by giving them access to exclusive events. Judging from photos on the website, women can join the brotherhood, but they will be expected to play foosball.

To be fair, some whiskey makers have tried targeting women. Last Christmas, Jack Daniel's launched their "Spike the Cookies" campaign, which encouraged women to replace various ingredients in their holiday baking with Old No. 7. Because the only way women will consume hard liquor is if it's in dessert.

But maybe JD had the right idea at least. Marketers have been targeting women for decades, recognizing that they usually make most of the purchasing decisions for their households. (Think of Mad Men when Heineken tried to convince the Betty Drapers of America to buy the beer for their husbands.) Today, women account for 85% of all consumer purchases, yet the fairer sex does consume less alcohol, with only 58.3% of women identifying themselves as current drinkers, versus 71.1% of men. But, that number is growing, and shouldn't marketers take advantage of this untapped audience?

Curious, I talked to a friend of mine who, up until recently, worked at a PR firm that represented various spirits companies. He told me that, according to research, women will respond to messages intended for men, but men will not usually respond to messages aimed at women. Of course, this doesn't explain why whiskey companies are so focused on men that they essentially ignore women, but it does make a certain amount of sense. For example, plenty of girls play with Power Rangers or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles dolls, but how many boys play with Barbies? Women watch adventure films, but how many men really enjoy rom-coms? This distinction is so pervasive that J.K. Rowling's publisher urged her to go by her initials, fearing boys wouldn't read novels by a Joanne even if the title character was a Harry.

So, I guess the question isn't why don't whiskey makers pay the ladies any attention but, rather, why do women respond to masculine ads while the reverse doesn't appear to be true? Without getting into a gender studies debate, it is unquestionably more socially acceptable for women to embrace things intended for men, while men are more likely to be ridiculed if they are perceived as feminine. But it's deeper than that. Women who embrace masculine interests are often considered smarter, more laid back, and more fun to be around than their prissier sisters. Consider the woman who prefers sports to shopping? Or drinks whiskey instead of Skinny Girl Margaritas? There is just something cool -- to both sexes -- about a woman who is comfortable being one of the guys.

I've felt this first hand. After all, when my friend told me I was more of a man than he was, I considered it a compliment. On a separate occasion, I gleefully told a waiter that the cranberry bellini he assumed I'd ordered with brunch was, in fact, my boyfriend's. The Bloody Mary was mine.

Do my consumer habits make me a traitor to my sex? Am I playing into marketing messages about what is superior or have marketers simply figured something out that we're ashamed to admit? Regardless of the answer, I like whiskey, and if Jameson ever decides to launch a "Real Women Drink Whiskey" campaign, I'll gladly be the spokesperson.

-Brooke Carey

[Loves it. Ill gladly be the spokesperson as well.]

The Bunny Chronicles

2011-11-21T14:00:00.001-07:00

don’t feel sorry for me.
I am a competent, satisfied human being.
be sorry for the others who fidget, complain,
who constantly rearrange their lives like furniture,
juggling mates and attitudes.
their confusion is constant, and it will touch whoever they deal with.
beware of them: one of their key words is “love”
and beware of those who only take instructions from their God,
for they have failed completely to live their own lives.
don’t feel sorry for me because I am alone,
for even at the most terrible moments, humor is my companion.
i am a dog walking backwards
i am a broken banjo
i am a telephone wire strung up in Toledo, Ohio.
i am a man eating a meal this night in the month of September.
put your sympathy aside.
they say water help up Christ:
to come through, you better be nearly as lucky.
-Charles Bukowski

The Bunny Chronicles

2011-11-10T14:22:00.006-07:00

Her life was a slow realization that the world was not for her, and that for whatever reason, she would never be happy and honest at the same time. She felt as if she were brimming, always producing and hoarding more love inside her. But there was no release. Table, ivory elephant charm, rainbow, onion, hairdo, mollusk, Shabbos, violence, cuticle, melodrama, ditch, honey, doily … None of it moved her. She addressed her world honestly, searching for something deserving of the volumes of love she knew she had within her, but to each she would have to say, 'I dont love you.'
-Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated

2011-11-10T14:22:00.001-07:00

Bahaha

2011-11-10T14:19:00.001-07:00

Seth does NOT know my life. Ps. I heart cats. Say something.

2011-11-10T14:18:00.002-07:00

2011-11-10T14:18:00.001-07:00

Its Always Sunny

2011-11-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

2011-11-10T14:11:00.000-07:00

2011-11-10T14:10:00.000-07:00

Im afraid to wash my harrrrrr.

2011-11-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

2011-11-10T14:07:00.000-07:00

Ive got something to say

2011-11-10T14:06:00.002-07:00

I love to color. I have amazing coloring skills. Especially when Im on meth. Haha jk. Slash seriously.

2011-11-10T14:05:00.000-07:00

2011-11-10T14:01:00.002-07:00

I always knew I wasnt going to live to be an old woman... my life line is super short. And connects with my fate line. Ironic? I think not.

Brand New

2011-11-10T13:59:00.001-07:00

2011-11-10T13:57:00.004-07:00

2011-11-10T13:56:00.004-07:00

So my office is moving and I am going to lose all of my saved photos. I let this happen to me once already and Im not falling for it this time suckers.. get ready for blog update overload. Suck it. Thanks. Ps. not to worry, my home comp is full of shit. Literally. I shit on it.

Hmmm... Where shall I start...

2011-11-07T15:18:00.000-07:00

The Bunny Chronicles

2011-11-07T11:34:00.004-07:00

Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.
-Augusten Burroughs

2011-11-07T11:03:00.003-07:00

'It must be tough for Republicans to love America so much but hate almost three-quarters of the people living in it.'
— Jon Stewart

2011-11-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

2011-10-21T15:00:00.000-06:00

2011-10-21T14:59:00.000-06:00

Its Always Sunny

2011-10-21T14:58:00.002-06:00

The Bunny Chronicles

2011-10-19T16:09:00.002-06:00

This is an important lesson to remember when youre having a bad day, a bad month, or a shitty year. Things will change: you wont feel this way forever. And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs most. I believe you cant feel real joy unless youve felt heartache. You can’t have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail. You cant know what its like to feel holy until you know what its like to feel really fucking evil. And you cant be birthed again until youve died.
-Kelly Cutrone, If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You

2011-10-13T14:37:00.000-06:00

2011-10-07T11:56:00.001-06:00

(586): I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why I couldnt spend the night. As I was walking away, he opened the door... I fell down and played dead. Definitely didnt see me.

2011-10-07T11:48:00.001-06:00

1. The world is cruel. My soul mate lives in Australia. Seriously, the world is like ‘hi, heres your soul mate, glad you two could finally meet’ and then like the sinister bitch she is says, ‘oh by the way he lives half way across the globe.’ Im not laughing world, Im NOT laughing.

2. Heads up, Im moving there soon. Oh and so is my besite. And we are getting a croc named Crocodile Dundee and a koala named Koala Mckoala Face (which I promise not to eat, probably). Oh and she also wants a new Lexus. No worries, Ill ride shotgun in hers. We all know I suck dick at driving. Hence the death of Lola. RIP. I should probably get a teardrop tattoo on my face since I murdered her. That would be hot.

3. I really want to go on another vacation. Too bad all I can afford is Nebraska or Wyoming and really probably not even… I think Ill take a trip up to Greeley. FML.
‘I cant wait to smell the fresh air!’

4. Casa Bonita is filing for bankruptcy. I have no idea why… slash probably because your food blows ass and your shits all old and dilapidated. Slash I still love you. Please update your ish and get a cook in the kitchen, fuck even just order in Taco Bell or something because you cannot close. It will break my heart.
‘That place has been shitty ever since they got rid of the talking volcano!’

5. I was asked my age yesterday and had to pause as I said 26. FUCK Im fucking 26. Im SO old. SO god damn old. I should probably start picking out my casket now. Slash how terrible is the idea of your dead body in a box in the freaking ground. No thank you. Please cremate me and sprinkle my ashes near a whiskey distillery. Thanks.

6. Im chilly today. Praise Jesus fall has arrived. Its about shitfuck time you show up. FUCK the heat. Snow, snow, snow… (Im chanting).

7. I got my Halloween costume this week!!!!!!!! So excited. I love Halloween more than I love most of my family. Haha jk slash seriously. Plus now that it is October, I can ‘openly’ listen to my most favorite song, This is Halloween by Marilyn.
This is Halloween.
This is Halloween.

2011-10-05T12:55:00.001-06:00

2011-10-05T12:54:00.001-06:00

Its Always Sunny

2011-10-05T12:53:00.000-06:00

2011-10-05T12:52:00.000-06:00

2011-10-04T19:07:00.002-06:00

Michelle Bachmann is arguing for a womens right to choose, but only if that choice is getting cancer.

HILARIOUS.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

2011-10-03T16:44:00.001-06:00

The Bunny Chronicles

2011-10-03T16:00:00.000-06:00

People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own song.
-Carl Jung

2011-09-30T13:50:00.001-06:00

With my name tattooed into your skin.

2011-09-26T11:06:00.002-06:00

But everyone disappears, no matter who loves them.
-Dave Eggers

2011-09-23T15:26:00.002-06:00

2011-09-23T15:11:00.000-06:00

bahahah so cool even polar bears are doing it. bahahaha.

2011-09-23T12:19:00.001-06:00

2011-09-23T12:17:00.001-06:00

My shuffle mode reminds me of some shit. Loves this song.

2011-09-22T15:50:00.001-06:00

2011-09-22T15:38:00.000-06:00

(202): I hope theres a soldier with a bedazzler just going to town right now.

2011-09-22T15:34:00.001-06:00

2011-09-22T15:33:00.000-06:00

2011-09-22T15:32:00.001-06:00

Happy Bday to Me.

2011-09-19T11:25:00.002-06:00

2011-09-13T10:39:00.002-06:00

bahaha.

The Bday Bunny

2011-09-12T11:48:00.001-06:00

Ive never shot one. They scare the shit out of me to be honest. But I LOVE guns. Especially when they are totally cute. I need one. Preferably a derringer since that is my tattoo. Really any will work, as long as they are cute. Thanks.

#3: a GUN

2011-09-12T11:47:00.001-06:00

(413): And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center.

2011-09-12T11:45:00.001-06:00

(630): I plan on writing a book entitled: Ive Probably Done Cocaine in Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.

The Bunny Chronicles

2011-09-12T11:43:00.002-06:00

Life moves vert fast. It rushes us from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds.
-Paul Coehlo, Eleven Minutes

The Bday Bunny

2011-09-07T13:15:00.004-06:00

This is for all you cheap slash broke slash unemployed fucktards I run with. These would be a nice present. Thank you. And quit smoking.

#2. Adorable Lighters

Bday Inspiration

2011-09-07T13:13:00.001-06:00

2011-09-07T12:49:00.000-06:00

2011-09-01T13:53:00.000-06:00

(864): Its official drugs cant kill me.

2011-08-31T16:12:00.000-06:00

2011-08-31T16:05:00.001-06:00

TWITTER

2011-08-31T13:57:00.001-06:00

Im back on twitter. Find me @jtothebunny if you arent ascared. I decided that I have important things to say. And by important I mean stupid and not cool enough for this blog or PC enough for facebook. DO IT!

@jtothebunny

2011-08-31T10:48:00.000-06:00

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

2011-08-31T10:28:00.001-06:00

2011-08-31T09:22:00.000-06:00

2011-08-30T13:13:00.000-06:00

Im a MORNING person.

2011-08-30T08:14:00.006-06:00

What do normal people do when they have to get up at 4am? Good fucking question because apparently I think it’s a good idea to get rip roaring drunk and stay up until midnight. Im really smart. I have a college degree thank you very much. Honestly, Im getting too old for this shit, but somehow I continue to convince myself that I can party on week nights. And by party I mean get drunk and cry at home alone. My life is completely under control. Duh.

It is 8am. Here is my morning.

Ttraffic is really great at 5am. I mean, the people on the road are complete assholes (who isn’t at that time of the morning?) but at least there aren’t really that many of them. And whoever fucking invented headlights should be shot. Ok, I know they do serve a purpose, but having them blaring in my eyes when my head is pounding and I am about to fall asleep at the wheel is really damn annoying slash life saving slash annoying.

Anywho, I roll up to my office and the front doors were fucking locked (apparently they lock overnight) so I had to break in the side door. Well not so much break in as punch in a door code, but it was all dark and quiet so I felt like I was being a robber. (I used to always have this dream where robbers escaped from prison and you could tell who they were because they wore those black and white jumpsuit getups. And hid behind haystacks.)

So not too long after me a couple of my co-workers showed up (they always said they got in early, but I never believed them) and they fucking dropped their jaws when they saw me. They wouldn’t leave me alone. I would try to ‘rest’ my head on my desk and they wouldn’t fucking let me. So when they weren’t looking I totally pulled a George Castanza and got under my desk. OMG laying on the floor has never been more comfortable in my life. I totally slept for like 30mins, but then I got scared. Apparently when Im tired Im a pussy.

Apparently when Im tired I also don’t even look in a mirror because I am exceptionally pretty today. I should probably be a model. And a fashion icon. Im wearing jeans with a large hole in the crotch and this weird pink/purple stain on the knee that Im assuming is from something I threw in the washer because Ive never noticed it before and its pretty fucking noticeable. Oh yes, topping it off I decided in my stooper to wear a long sleeve shirt. Its not like its summer or I hate being hot or anything. If you want any fashion tips, feel free to contact me at any time. No bras or panties allowed. I hate panties.

Moral of the story: When someone offers you drugs say thank you because drugs are expensive. And delicious. Nom nom om nom.

The Bday Bunny

2011-08-29T13:42:00.010-06:00

As we all know, and by all I mean fuck you, my bday is less than a month away! Get ready for the festivities to begin. And, again as we all know, I heart presents pretty much more than anything else in the world. That is why I will be posting some gift ideas.

Obviously I will always be accepting money and whiskey. But for those that want to give it a little more thought...

#1. West Side Story Tickets

I fucking heart theater, especially musicals. Ive seen pretty much everything under the sun except this show... WTF! And its based on Romeo and Juliet, which is one of my all time favs ever. So, it is coming to Denver in Decemeber, so lets go! I like to sit on the first row of the mezannine. Thanks.

2011-08-29T11:44:00.001-06:00

(510): Under someones bed. Not sure whose. I think theyre sleeping in it.

2011-08-29T11:43:00.001-06:00

(843): The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.

The Bunny Chronicles

2011-08-29T11:25:00.002-06:00

I dont think I could love you so much if you had nothing to complain of and nothing to regret. I dont like people who have never fallen or stumbled. Their virtue is lifeless and of little value. Life hasnt revealed its beauty to them.
-Boris Pasternak

2011-08-17T09:34:00.002-06:00

Work is for Jerks

2011-08-05T09:45:00.001-06:00

2011-08-04T11:04:00.001-06:00

(816): I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. Pleople were staring.

2011-08-02T11:01:00.003-06:00

1. So I deleted my twitter a few months back and some days I regret it because I have things to say… like isn’t it weird that I like peanut M&Ms but I don’t like peanut butter M&Ms? These are important thoughts that I need to express. Wtf.

2. Im pretty sure I have a false sense of radio station contests being easy to win ever since I called into Alice and told a story that won me concert tickets. It was so easy… they picked up on the first ring. Simple. Well that was obviously a fluke in the system. I have now tried twice to win tickets to Las Vegas on 95.7 and the line is always fucking busy. Like I haven’t heard a ring one mother fucking time. It almost makes me question whether they are really giving away tickets or not. I think they must be lying. And nobody wants to party w liars, The Party. Ps. I didn’t win tickets, but I think I may have won a restraining order. If youd answer then I wouldn’t have to call so many times. Duh.

3. I really like that new Little Wayne song (is it supposed to be Lil’? Because I just feel funny typing that, Im white thanks) how to love. I think its super cute and it almost seems like a joke since he is singing, but since I keep hearing it Im assuming its real, and therefore I like it. I don’t really know any other songs by him, but I do know that his nickname is Little Weezy. I learned that a few years back when he was on tv and everyone was calling him Little Weezy and I said ‘I thought that guy was Little Wyane.’ Haha. How the hell was I supposed to know his nickname? I think I should get points for at least knowing what he looked like. Not that he is that hard to miss, but still.

4. Dear pet owners, if you have an asshole dickbag dog don’t bring them to the fucking dog park. Are you retarded? I almost kicked a dog straight in the head last night. It was a boxer and I knew from the minute he came in that he was going to be trouble. (Not because he was a boxer, but because you can just know an asshole when you see one.) And of course this dog has to get into it with Sunday. Shes only the sweetest best dog ever. If the owner hadn’t come up and literally yanked the dog off of her that dog would be fucking dead. So moral of the story, if your dog is a jerkoff and doesn’t like other dogs and doesn’t know the difference between playing and attempting murder then don’t FUCKING bring them to the neighborhood park. Take them out to hunt fucking bears or catch terrorists or something like that.

5. If you know the best way to choke someone you intend to rape, do NOT tell a girl this and most certainly do NOT talk to me. In fact, don’t leave your house unless you are going to check yourself into jail you fucking creeper.

2011-08-02T10:34:00.000-06:00

Its Always Sunny

2011-08-02T10:31:00.003-06:00

Were both men of the law. You know. We get after it. You know, we jabber jaw, we go tit for tat. We have our little differences. But at the end of the day, you win some, I win some, and theres a mutual respect left over between us.

2011-08-02T10:30:00.001-06:00

The Bunny Chronicles

2011-08-02T10:30:00.000-06:00

I hope you live a life youre proud of. If you find that you are not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
-F. Scott Fitzgerald

This dude does NOT know my life.

2011-07-28T16:23:00.001-06:00

oh wait...

He should be on that show 'Dont Forget the Lyrics' - Hes a fucking CHAMP

2011-07-28T16:19:00.001-06:00

The Bunny Chronicles

2011-07-28T14:27:00.003-06:00

I am not a smoker. I only smoke in certain situations: post-coital, when Im with Germans (sometimes those two overlap), coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, pre-coital, on a sailboat, the day the Mets are mathematically eliminated every year, and, of course—wait for it—cause Lord knows I have—pregnancy scares.

2011-07-27T09:56:00.001-06:00

2011-07-27T09:54:00.002-06:00

2011-07-27T09:54:00.001-06:00

2011-07-25T11:20:00.000-06:00

The 27 Club

2011-07-25T10:14:00.007-06:00

My love, miss Amy Winehouse now joins the club. My heart aches. Go back to black now Amy, and may your soul finally rest.

1983-2011

2011-07-25T10:12:00.001-06:00

The Bunny Chronicles

2011-07-22T10:50:00.000-06:00

We were together. I forget the rest.
-Walt Whitman

2011-07-20T10:51:00.001-06:00

It Always Sunny

2011-07-20T10:49:00.001-06:00

What is your spaghetti policy here?

2011-07-20T10:48:00.000-06:00

2011-07-20T10:45:00.001-06:00

Whoops.

2011-07-20T10:43:00.004-06:00

Dear crazy pro-life people who protest outside of planned parenthood,

1. Get a JOB you fucking morons.
2. I was just trying to find a parking place for a meeting (see, I have a JOB) so quit yelling your dumbass shit at me. Im always late, so the last thing I need is your antics.
C. No wonder planned parenthood has to block off their building and parking lots, you bitches be insane.

Thanks,
Bunny

Now heres your sign...

2011-07-20T10:42:00.000-06:00

Its the Barry Gibbs Talk Show

2011-07-15T15:34:00.001-06:00

1. Lately all I really want to do is hang out in Barnes & Noble. I love it there. I literally spend hours there before I realize I should probably go the fuck home or hide in the bathroom until they close so I can spend the night. I really really wish I had a huge beautiful library in my house like the one the Beast built for Belle. That would be the bees knees. Minus it would be bigger than my entire house. Or I could have a library house. That would also be the knees of the bees.

2. I spent hours yesterday applying for jobs in London. Yes as in London, UK. I should be more realistic, but I would fucking die if I could just up and move to London, tomorrow. And I would do it. Bye bye mother fuckers. Only I really would need a good job because Im not going to make my way waiting tables or some shit. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

3. I think Saturday Night Live is hilarious and it makes me sad that the only people who watch/agree w me are my parents. Im always making references to skits and nobody ever fucking gets them. Not that people typically get my jokes anyway, but still. Its funny people. ‘So what, who cares?’

4. I need to finish my essays for grad school. Any by finish I mean start. Fuck, I just realized this may or may not hinder my up-and-move to London plan. Fuck. Anyway though, why is it so hard to start writing? I know once I start, it will flow and Ill get it done, but it is the starting that is weighing on me. I haven’t had to right a legit essay in 4 years. That’s a lifetime people. School is for fools and work is for jerks.