Friday, October 7, 2011

1. The world is cruel. My soul mate lives in Australia. Seriously, the world is like ‘hi, heres your soul mate, glad you two could finally meet’ and then like the sinister bitch she is says, ‘oh by the way he lives half way across the globe.’ Im not laughing world, Im NOT laughing.

2. Heads up, Im moving there soon. Oh and so is my besite. And we are getting a croc named Crocodile Dundee and a koala named Koala Mckoala Face (which I promise not to eat, probably). Oh and she also wants a new Lexus. No worries, Ill ride shotgun in hers. We all know I suck dick at driving. Hence the death of Lola. RIP. I should probably get a teardrop tattoo on my face since I murdered her. That would be hot.

3. I really want to go on another vacation. Too bad all I can afford is Nebraska or Wyoming and really probably not even… I think Ill take a trip up to Greeley. FML.
‘I cant wait to smell the fresh air!’

4. Casa Bonita is filing for bankruptcy. I have no idea why… slash probably because your food blows ass and your shits all old and dilapidated. Slash I still love you. Please update your ish and get a cook in the kitchen, fuck even just order in Taco Bell or something because you cannot close. It will break my heart.
‘That place has been shitty ever since they got rid of the talking volcano!’

5. I was asked my age yesterday and had to pause as I said 26. FUCK Im fucking 26. Im SO old. SO god damn old. I should probably start picking out my casket now. Slash how terrible is the idea of your dead body in a box in the freaking ground. No thank you. Please cremate me and sprinkle my ashes near a whiskey distillery. Thanks.

6. Im chilly today. Praise Jesus fall has arrived. Its about shitfuck time you show up. FUCK the heat. Snow, snow, snow… (Im chanting).

7. I got my Halloween costume this week!!!!!!!! So excited. I love Halloween more than I love most of my family. Haha jk slash seriously. Plus now that it is October, I can ‘openly’ listen to my most favorite song, This is Halloween by Marilyn.
This is Halloween.
This is Halloween.

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