Monday, May 24, 2010

Why You Should Hire ME.....

So I need a new fucking job. One that involves less work, less yelling, much more whiskey, and wayyyy more mula. The following is a list of why you (or someone you know) should hire ME:

1. I’d make an awesome sidekick.
2. I can help you write witty text messages replies that make you look hilarious and smart.
3. Im great at parties. You would never look like the obnoxious drunk girl if I'm around.
4. I'm a terrific wing man.
5. I can talk mad shit to your enemies. (Please no actual fighting though, or else I may get you killed.)
6. I have mad style. I can help your swagger.
7. I will never make you get up early. Or brush your hair.
8. I'm much smarter than I come across... for real.
9. I'm tall and can reach the top shelf.
10. Ill do almost anything for the right price. Keyword: Price. hahaha jk slash seriously how much you offering?

Apparently Im qualified to hang out with stoned teenaged losers. But, you know what, maybe thats my calling. Dont judge me. You dont know my fucking life.

2 comments:

The General said...

I have a college degree, therefore I can fall down the stairs as I please...

J Bunny. said...

thank god for my degree... or else i would have been quite embarassed. luckily i just had to hold it up and everyone at the bottom of the stairs just shook their heads in understandance... ps. is that a word? pps. i dont think so. ppps. god i love college.