Thursday, January 28, 2010

Mickey Avalon, rap's Ron Jeremy.

Omg. Today may or may not be the worst day of my life. Apparently I am too fucking old to ‘go out’ on a week night, drink copious amounts of hWhiskey and free beer, get roughly 4 hours of sleep, wake up a cougar, have a hangover slash be drunk in the morning, and then come into work. Seriously what the mother fuck! I want to kill a baby seal or slit my wrists, or both, or neither. So, since obviously about 0.0 work is going to get done today, here are a few of my hWhiskey soaked brain thoughts:

1. Damn I heart hWhiskey. Its by far the most delicious drink in the entire world. I shit you not.
2. Free alcohol always tastes better.
3. Being a cougar is actually pretty fun. Who knew at 24 I would fit into this category, but last night 21 was all I could see. I felt like a creepy, old, somewhat lame chick who just so happens to be incredibly charming and hilarious.
4. I never ever want to wear a bra again.
5. Why am I bruise city all the time? I have one on my foot and one on my chin. How in the hell? Combine those with my always bruised knees (on account of falling, you perv) and my bite bruises and I am pretty much half purple. I'm a god damn mess here.
6. Rah Rah ah ah ahhh.
7. No matter what you did last night, you always know youre ok if your asshole doesn’t hurt when you wake up in the morning. The Gen taught me this life lesson in Aspen when I woke up in a room full of doors across town (but my asshole didn’t hurt, so we weren’t that worried.) Oh how I heart the x-games.
8. Eggs and salsa together is good.
9. Blazer.
10. How the fuck am I going to do this all again tonight?? Good thing Mickey Avalon is well worth it. His dick costs a late night fee, your dick has the HIV.