Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I HATE... YOU

















Today I am hateful, and by hateful I mean really just have a lot to say and decided to go with a fucket list, instead of posting shit to twitter that doesnt even make sense anymore. So...

FUCK The Following:

1. Dumb mother fucking people who dont know basic grammar or spelling, I hate you, especially while texting me. I mean we all make mistakes sometimes, yes even the bunny does and I absolutely hate it when I do, but come on seriously? The one that always gets me is your vs. youre. Youre a total douche bag if you don’t know the difference and most times will get a text response from me with the proper selection (ex. ‘youre’) as well as a place in my hate list forevermore labeled a dumbass. Oh and I will make fun of you behind your back too.

2. I think im fabulous, hilarious, and am pretty much completely in love with myself so; I will admit that I don’t understand people who literally hate themselves. And while I may feel slightly bad for them (cause apparently even they think they are awful, so it must be true,) I hate people who openly hate themselves. You know, like the people who will admit it as in ‘I hate myself’ fucking literally hate themselves– and no not the I hate myself cause I was so drunk, kicked your baby, saw your dad naked, etc, etc.

Then the hater will proceed to tell you all the shit that they hate about themselves and their sad lives and blah blah blah. Guess what? Even if I didn’t think it before, I def now think that you are a total loser and don’t want to spend another minute around you. And:
A. You are a complete Debbie downer. I hate her.
B. I refuse to feel sorry for people that are basically fishing for it. Call the whammmbulance.
C. Youre wayyyy too fucked up for me to try and want to be around you and really I don’t want your lameness rubbing off on my wonderfulness in the mean time.
D. Even if you think it, don’t admit it. NEVER EVER. Now you just look like you feel.

3. I am not a tall, ugly, old, bald, country ass doctor whose name is Phil. I don’t make enough money to tell you shit that you don’t want to hear, but know is true. Really, I probably don’t care and am just pretending and this game bores me.

4. Dear facebook smiles application, if I ever met you in person I would slit your throat, that is if you have one, oh and I bet you do you smug bastard. Yes when I was a young naive facebook user (for me about a few months ago…ok ok im still pretty na├»ve) I had no idea what accepting you would do to me in the future. You make me go fucking insane and I cant figure out how to get rid of you to save my life, you remind me my ex wife and I hate that whinning bitch. I don’t care if ‘my new smiles are ready,’ I dont want them and don’t need an update to this every single god damn day. I hate you.

5. Fuck me. Wait what? Ha. I can honestly tell you that I send the wrong text to the wrong person all the fucking time. It is bad, yes, and instead of making sure I check the recipient, I continue to send away. Sometimes dropping bombs, sometimes dropping secrets, but mostly dropping my fucking coolness levels and ability to seem aloof... and smart for that matter.... durrr how do you work a phone?

6. The way I apparently smell today. Ha that got your attention huh? (Ps. you smelled so good last night, is that weird to say?) Anyway, all day today ive smelled like a dirty fucking ashtray. Its disgusting. Finally I sat down and decided to solve how this happened to me. Ok ok, I do smoke like a old lady at the bingo alley, but I don’t usually feel like I poured ashtray syrup all over myself. So it cant be that (im so logical sometimes) and I was up at the crack of dawn today and I did shower, go me.

So I was stumped. It wasn’t until I put my hands in my hoodie zip up pocket (yes angel I wore a hoodie to work today) that I realized what I had done. I wore the effin hoodie that Ive been using for my garage all night smoke sessions that I believe I may or may not have picked up off the floor this morning (yes im that classy) and the mother fucker smells like regular cigarettes mixed with my smokey garage of cloves mixed with smokey the bear (who I apparently also think says ‘only you can start forest fires’ yeah it was embarrassing when I said it out loud to a bunch of fat people too.) So moral of the story… hookers smell better than me today and I just wrote a fuck load about the most interesting shit ever blogged.

7. I hate Harry Potter crazy stupid fans. I'm so sick of seeing shit from all of the 100,000 Harry Potter movies posted all over the blogs I follow. I fucking get it, thanks. I'm glad you like it. I hate things I don’t know about and havent seem most of the movies, so quit already.

8. I think that tea drinkers are so fake. Same with people who eat sushi. Shits gross, you only pretend to like it because its ‘hip’ and ‘smart’ and want to fit it and feel cool. I don’t see any other logical explanation and pretty much think youre retarted.

9.
I am feeling like if I officially offend the general, my last comment was likely too much. Decided to erase. Still going to hell, this I am very aware.


WORD YOU FUCKING WHOREBAG CUM DUMPSTERS. Hearts!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Add punctuation to your list.

Dom said...

P.S.

That's from me....