Thursday, November 12, 2009

Thanks Bitch

everybody knows that smoking aint allowed in school.

As many of you (ok and by many I mean the 1 or 2 people who actually read my blog) may or may not know, I have recently lost my one true love…

Djarum Black Clove Cigarettes. Big sigh, small tear.

Yes, it has been about a month now, but I just cant forget. I wander around aimlessly searching for a meaningful replacement, but my efforts are in vein. I am lost without my blacks. And to think we should have taken more pictures together… there is so much I now realize I took for granted. Ha. Seriously though, I HATE regular cigarettes, always have, and now find myself sucking them down all the while resenting the FDA and the idea that clove = flavor, come on… quit being ridiculous FDA, I mean really?

Anyway, the real reason I posted this was not to dwell in sorrow, but to say a big Thanks (and by thanks I mean Fuck You) to my bestie aka the general. Why in heavens name would I be thanking her you may ask? Well because I completely blame her for my smoking addiction… hands down. Not only was she my partner in crime (in the beginning, once you become a total fiend, you usually have to go it alone) but also for teaching me the proper way to ‘smoke’ Turns out you need to inhale.. who knew? Ahaha hilarious. So Thanks Bitch. I hope you laugh all the way to my lung cancer filled grave about the day you hooked the bunny.

Read on for her apology of sorts. She’s hilarious and my inspiration today. And my best friend... addicted or not.

Dear Bunnny....... I'm sorry

As I was driving to work this morning puffing on a Djarum black, (yes I was smoking because I fucking needed it today... don't judge me) I was thinking about my bestie Bunnny, and how she is now, thanks to me completely addicted to smoking.

It all started on one sunny lunch hour two years ago. I suggested that she try some of my cigarette, she'd never smoked before so she did that thing where she didn't inhale and just blew it out. So I proceeded to teach her how to inhale. Her life has never been the same since. After this day we managed to purchase every flavor of cigar and cigarette at the Smoker Friendly shop. We even tried smoking straight up indian tobacco and smoked it out of a pipe like Sherlock Holmes. Side note: Don't ever try that shit it's fucking disgusting, I don't know how Hef handles that mess. So after sampling all of the varieties the tobacco store had to offer, we settled on Djarum blacks a delicious clove cigarette. Which also happens to be where the idea for the black whorebath cig came to life (yes people there is meaning behind the logo)

Recently the government passed a law to ban flavored tobacco which included our precious Djarums. Side note: Dear government please concentrate on the important shit that our country has going on and keep your meddling ass off my flavored cigs. Thanks. So while they still sell blacks they are not nearly as delicious as they were before, which I guess is prob better cause i'm less likely to smoke as much (unless its warped tour all day concert rock hands time). Bunny on the other hand has been on a constant search to find a cancer stick as fulfilling as our beloved blacks.

So to my dear sweet Bunnny as I watch you in your everyday struggle, I want you to know how truly sorry I am to have hooked you on such a deadly and delicious substance. I know you would have been just fine with the whiskey/cocaine addiction that you already had. (joke...kinda) "haha my word will be WHiskey"
Here's to us Bun and our sick addictions, of which cigarettes are the least damaging to our overall well being...


PS. WHiskey.


The General said...

And The Gen loves you, lung cancer, throat cancer, kidney cancer, nose cancer... whatevs. Till death do us part ahahahaaaa

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