Thursday, November 19, 2009

Is this bad???

in the jungle, the mighty jungle,
the lion sleeps tonight.

1. Sometimes after work I really really wish I had a readymade cocktail in my car waiting for me to enjoy its deliciousness. Even a keg in the trunk would suffice, but then I would need some sort of long straw that stretched from my trunk to my seat (sounds too complicated.) I feel that if this idea were to happen not only would my day end on a wonderful note, but the drive home would be much quicker, happier, and potentially swirveyyer. This is something a normal non-alcoholic person thinks about right?

Sometimes I think (just think people don’t get all intervention on me) about preparing myself this delightful end of work slash just got into my car drink and having it ready and waiting. For whatever reason, lets say sanity, I don’t make it happen, but sometimes I really think I should. But of course, I have to admit that if I had a readymade cocktail made and sitting in my car the ENTIRE drive in to work in the morning, I may just drink it down, thus spoiling my plan and probably ending my career.
Is this bad?

2. I hate babies. Literally hate them. I hate talking about them, hearing whatever heartfelt story that goes along with their birth, holding them, pretty much anything that has to do with them. They are never cute and are annoying as hell. They all look the same (and no, I cant see the dads nose, blah blah blah.) And the worst is hearing stories about shit, vomit, insert other disgusting word here, and how ‘cute it was.’ I can honestly tell you, it was NOT cute.

And why does everyone have to constantly talk about them? You can bet that if I don’t give a fuck about you, I sure as all hell don’t give a fuck about your stupid baby.
Is this bad?

*As an aside, I love and have always loved C&C, and may or may not have shed a tear when I saw them just after being born. This is the exception to the rule, so don’t think that just because I heart those boys more than anything that I care anything about your baby.*

3. Crawling literally scares the fuck out of me. I don’t know wtf is going on here, but I hate it so much it makes me want to cry. ESPECIALLY when someone is crawling after me, or in my direction really, or in my presence, or at all. I don’t mind like if you are getting down on the floor and have to scoot into a comfortable position or lean to grab something, etc. But crawling equals horrible. I really even hate the word itself and shutter as I type this. This isn’t really an Is this bad question, more of an..
Isnt this weird?

*Another aside, don’t take this confession as a great joke to play on me next time you see me, Im serious. I will not be amused. And don’t be a bitch like The General and now pic message me crawling people. Thanks.*


The General said...

you're a funny bitch simba! Someone needs rehab... just sayin

DenverFrank said...

This is Fucking great. Love it.