Monday, August 24, 2009

Fare Thee Well

you'll regret it. maybe not today. maybe not tomorrow.
but soon and for the rest of your life.

At night I sit, with a cocktail and a memory, telling myself that my life is in shambles. Telling myself to have another and that there is no harm in not feeling what I so desperately do not want to feel. But when I take a step back and really think… shambles you say… I am a 23year old homeowner, with an amazing job, a college degree, baby loves at home, amazing parentals, and a couple good friends I know will always be there. In reality, my life is nowhere near shambles and I am throwing myself a pitty party over him. A boy (and yes I say boy, not man) who isn’t worth one more thought. So…

Dear alcohol... I will no longer let you run my life, hide my sorrows, and destroy my possibilities. I will learn control and understand that you will not always be involved in my ‘good’ times. You are making me paralyzed and I want to break free.

Dear cigarettes... you equal early death, make my throat sore, give me a terrible 80year old woman cough, and I am done with you as well. I do not enjoy being winded walking up stairs and I do not like you or your kind.

Dear him... I say my final farewell to you. I thought you were different, when in all actuality; you are someone I do not know, nor want to know anymore. I can no longer hang on to something that is done and over, because it is ruining me. We cant go back, nothing can change, and it isn’t what it could have or should have been, it is what it is. You are a completely different person now, a far cry from the person I feel in love with, and frankly I cant handle the ‘new’ you.
Instead of trying to make something out of nothing or thinking that maybe someday it will all work out, I will hold on to the good memories and the thought that you were sincere for one fleeting moment in time. I will someday fondly look back at us and smile for my foolish heart. The heart I unwillingly gave you that you so easily broke. I will think about what I have learned from you, and our time, and grow. I will move forward, leaving you far behind.
When I struggle to move on, I will remember the lies you told and the way it all ended. Because really, why would I ever want ANY of that back? You aren’t worth this heartache and devastation anymore, and it pains me to say you will never be again.

DEUCES MOTHER FUCKERS!------------------------------------

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why,
It don't matter, anyhow
And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why,
If you don't know by now.
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm traveling on
Don't think twice, it's all right.

It ain't no use in turning on your light,
That light Ive never known
And it ain't no use in turnin' on your light,
I'm on the dark side of the road.
Still I wish there was something you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talking anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right.

It ain't no use in calling out my name,
Like you never did before
It ain't no use in calling out my name,
I can't hear you anymore.
I'm a-thinking and a-wondering all the way down the road.
I once loved a man, a child I'm told
I give him my heart but he wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right.

I'm walking down that long, lonesome road,
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But goodbye's too good a word,
So I'll just say fare thee well.
I ain't saying you treated me unkind
I could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right.

ps. link time. WORD.